Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Most Offensive of Pregnancy Commentary

I've mentioned before that people say rude things to pregnant people. This isn't a news flash. It's pretty common knowledge that people put their nose where they shouldn't in life in general and feel especially free to do so when you're carrying around a baby bump.

I have been able to tolerate a lot-the cute old ladies, the well-meaning extended family members, the complete and total strangers.

The one comment that I cannot tolerate is the one about how long I've been married. Bryant and I have been married for 7 years. Apparently, this is far too long to wait to procreate, and people seem to feel very free to comment on that. My number one issue with that is that I have many friends who have had terrible trouble conceiving. Let me be clear, this is not a struggle that Bryant and I faced. I feel incredibly blessed by that every day. I've seen the heartbreak and heard the stories from many many friends. What if we had had trouble? What if we had been trying for 7 years? Every single time someone comments on the unthinkable amout of time we spent without child, I think of those friends. I think of how it must cut to the absolute bone if you've experienced infertility, and I find it offensive.

The rest of my reasons are as follows.

 I was 21 years old when I got married. 21!!!! I know very few people who are ready to have a child at that age. I certainly wasn't. I'm not even sure I was ready to get married at that age, but I did and it worked out. We are blessed. 

 I got married before I finished college. I still had one semester to go. Why would I have wanted to be pregnant for that?

 Bryant and I have accomplished a lot in the last 7 years. We built our relationship-which I believe is crucial for creating a healthy and happy family. A child needs the security of that, and I can assure you that if we had had a child early in our relationship, we wouldn't have had time to grow into our relationship. We bought a house. I got a master's degree. He started  more than one business. He has grown his art business. I've had no fewer than 5 different jobs. I've learned to be a teacher, and to love children that are not my own.

We've both learned to love in a bigger way than we ever would have had the capacity to 7 years ago. So to everyone who believes we've waited too long, please think twice before commenting to me or any other pregnant ladies on the length of time they waited before having children. You don't know their story. You don't know their struggle. You don't know their accomplishments. Be proud and excited for them. They've probably been trying their hardest to build a nice life for their future children. 
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3 comments:

  1. Agree. Fully. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and it is kinda hurtful when people ask why we haven't had kids. They have no idea how hard we are trying.

    Also, one person's timeline is not another's. I waited til I was 34 to get married, but as soon as I met my husband, I knew. We were married 8 months later. It's awesome.

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  2. I am not yet ready for pregnancy and have only been married for 8 months but whenever I see friends or family the always ask why we aren't pregnant yet! It feels like so much pressure sometimes, I would rather have my house settled and have our money situation sorted before we try for children. I think its a little ridiculous when people comment on it, it has nothing to do with anyone but my husband and myself!
    Have a great day.
    Love Gi
    xx

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  3. My parents were very "old-school". They dated throughout high school (started in eighth grade and never looked back, can you imagine?) and when Mom graduated a year after Dad, they got maried. Yes, they were eighteen. They then proceeded to wait 5 years before they had their first child (my brother). They weren't going to school (each took a semester but they dropped out), Dad had a steady job. They had no reason, really not to try, but they waited still, and that was their choice, and my brother is probably better because of it. I see so many young people getting married and delving in to have babies and it worries me. Sometimes young love is not what it seems. My brother is now 26, unmarried, and looking for "the one". He's already been engaged to a crazy woman he didn't really love. If the engagement hadn't lasted so long, who knows where he'd be now? To wrap this up, congratulations. I am glad you have found love and happiness and together decided that bringing a child into that love and happiness was a good idea. I'm sure she will appreciate it too, when she gets ready to have a family of her own. Congratulations.

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